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Joke of the Day

"I'm not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings. I'm a drunk, we go to parties."

"Dr: ... Me: ... D: ... M: ... D: *sighs* Did you stick an orange up your rectum M: No *orange falls out onto floor* D: ... M: *mumbles* yes"

"Oh you sneaky little bastard! [Link to the joke.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3ei9ie/the_best_joke_i_know/)"

"Total Eclipse Today I tried using a colander to view the eclipse. I think I've strained my eyes."

"What will Melania Trump say to mexicans if her husband becomes president? Hello from the other side."

"A guy comes into a bar. No, wait... it was a horse. So, a guy comes into a horse."

"I saved $38 by moving the fish tank in front of the TV during ""Ellen"" and telling my kids it was Finding Dory."

"A guy at the bar asked me to pass him the salt and pepper, so I punched him in the face and yelled, GET YOUR OWN DISTINGUISHED HAIR JERK!"

"I like to flush the toilet a few times when I'm on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again"

"What do you call a Mexican who loss his car? Carlos"