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Joke of the Day

"I like my beer like i like my violence... Domestic"

"I got beat up at a black lives matter rally for complaining about my underwear These knickers where just making me so uncomfortable"

"When one of my friends told me he was in a sexual relationship with a space rock... I had no comet."

"What part of a car is the laziest? The wheels. They are always tired."

"Why... Can't illegal US immigrants play Uno? Because they keep stealing all the Green Cards"

"Mario: hey u up? Princess: yeah y? M: come over ;) P: can't. Kidnapped :( M: Where? I'll save u P: castle. Up stairs, next 2 flagpole M: k"

"I couldn't figure out how to use my seatbelt.. Then it clicked."

"A Doctor gives his patient the bad news that he only has a week to live... Patient - ""No, I don't accept that! I'd like an alternative fact please"" Doctor - ""Money-wise, you are now set for life"""

"How did Jesus stay in shape? Crossfit"

"I finally finished the jigsaw puzzle It took me 2 years but I was well chuffed seeing as the box said 6-10 years."