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Joke of the Day

"One of these days you'll see the real me. Probably next week. I'm almost out of concealer."

"You hear about the two guys that stole a calendar? They each got six months."

"If I had a nickel for every time Robert Duvall squinted while wearing a cowboy hat... ...I'd have the same career as Robert Duvall."

"Met a hooker who said she'd do anything for $5 So I had her repost a joke for me that's been posted 5,000 times in the past week"

"I was talking to my buddy Adam Lanza and I asked him if he'd wanna date my 25-year-old friend. He said, ""Yeah! I love taking out twenty - five year olds!"""

"After A Game ""We kicked their asses!"" ""Yeah, we rectum."""

"Whats the difference between My computer and Paul Walker? I give a Fuck when my computer crashes"

"Ivan, 12, after breaking the vase and realizing he'll be punished anyway, sold the TV, got high and ordered some escorts."

"I mean, I'm smart, but I'm no Alfred Einstein."

"What's the difference between Donald Trump and Hitler? Hitler had a plan."