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Joke of the Day

"How many animals can you fit into a pair of panty hose? 2 calves, an ass, a beaver, a shitload of hares, 1 camel toe and a fish nobody can find."

"You guys have been the worst hostages I've ever used, hands down. *everyone lowers their hands* GODDAMN IT!!"

"A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, ""Why is that, Angus"""

"There was a massive fight in the chip shop yesterday! A fish got battered."

"You think you can take me, tough guy? I'd like to see you try. Seriously, anywhere fun you might be going. Take me with."

"Why does Kim Kardashiani have a big butt? because she never had to work her butt off."

"If it's too cold in a room... Go to the corner, it's 90 degrees!"

"There were so many vampires at my Halloween party I lost Count. ]"

"Life got you down? Just remember that you will never be as confused and sad as the friends and relatives of the world's first clown."

"Every time I clean out my fridge, I get pissed off about the stuff I forgot to eat."