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Joke of the Day

"Haven't worn a watch in 20+ years. Coincidentally, I haven't poured my drink on the floor when asked for the time in 20+ years."

"Spinach is like butt sex... If you are forced to have it as a child, you aren't going to enjoy it as an adult."

"Just been chatting to my neighbour's teenage daughter and it turns out she's really into UFOs and aliens. Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted."

"""Tens of Thousands of Ants Killed"", reads the headline of Ant Daily newspaper every single day. It is hard to be an ant."

"My ""Game of Thrones"" is just me running around the mall looking for a clean toilet."

"Did you see the recent movie about the rabbi? I forget which part they cut out."

"12 of my favorite anti-jokes"

"I tell my child, ""10 minutes till bed!"" She hears me say, ""Go put on a Halloween costume."" Why?"

"Thongs are like barbed wire fences. They protect the property, but don't block the view."

"What do you call... ...a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean? Bob"