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Joke of the Day

"My finger just touched a public toilet seat. I don't want to be all dramatic about it so I'll just say goodbye forever."

"Why don't blind people skydive? It scares the shit out of the dog."

"What do US Jews call Santa? Sennah."

"The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she's just found my twitter account"

"If you want to know if a girl is into you, look at her feet. If they point away from you she's not interested, if they're behind her ears she's very interested."

"Girl are you the legendary Pokemon Mewtwo? Because I've been playing with my balls all day and you're nowhere to be found."

"Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?"

"At Comic Con, all I could think was how happy these people's moms must be to have the house to themselves for a few hours."

"CNN reporting that CNN will be reporting something on CNN. Tune in to CNN for all of the up-to-the-minute stuff CNN is reporting."

"Jews rated their trip to auschwitz It was one star"