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Joke of the Day
"The battery level on my phone pretty much dictates my life."
Next Joke
"I just saw a guy with a mustache exactly like my grandpa's. I doubt it was his though; grandpa never let anyone borrow his mustache."
"I like my coffee like I like my women ..Without a penis"
"What do you call 50 feminists on a bus? Trick Question. You can't fit 50 feminists on a bus."
"Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? They're making head lines!"
"GARY JOHNSON: let me debate, i wanna debate, lemme lemme MODERATOR: FINE! how will you deal with big banks JOHNSON: like...river banks, or"
"What did the drunken Irishman say to the Chinese diplomat? http://www.reddit.com/r/Youwritethepunchline/comments/2zg1zy/what_did_the_drunken_irishman_say_to_the_chinese/"
"""The best part of waking up was the Folgers in my cup"" - Suicide note, first draft"
"My wife recently started snoring, so I decided to use earplugs. but I can only get one in before she wakes up, turns out she doesn't like it when I shove earplugs in her nose."
"Trying to convince my wife that the white powder on my nose is cocaine to hide the fact I've eaten a large sugary donut"