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Joke of the Day

"ladies, sometimes you only get a personalized ringtone so guys like me don't even have to get up to ignore your call."

"A man walks into library & asks if they have any books on coincidences. The librarian says, ""As a matter of fact, this one's just arrived."""

"I see you've got your bill for using the Internet Yes and my dad's really going to get the hump!"

"Take something someone says, then perceive it in every terrible way imaginable POOF you're a woman."

"I feel bad for that caveman who invented the wheel because you know his mother-in-law was all ""She shoulda married Grog. He invented fire"""

"The only reason I watch political speeches is cause I'm hoping there's gonna be a sniper."

"I'm trying to channel my inner Kubrick for my next porno. I'm calling it ""A Cockwork Orange""."

"I hear crowded elevators smell different to midgets it's because of all the assholes"

"Me: hello I've run out of toilet paper Front desk: oh I'm sorry for the inconvenience Me: oh no worries, but I've also run out of towels"

"What's the difference between jam and marmalade? You can't marmalade your cock into your girlfriend's ass."