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Joke of the Day

"If your smartphone is wet.. .. put it into a bottle of rice. The rice will then attract asians who will repair it."

"What do you call a Spanish baker? A con-quiche-ador"

"Leonardo.... NoOscario"

"As a Marxist I could never play CoD, because I refuse to create a class."

"The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why? ""Cause you're fatter than they are."""

"""you're too polite"" I am not [two weeks earlier while my house is being robbed] sorry he doesn't usually bark at strangers"

"Why are squirrels actions so sexual? They are always trying to bust a nut"

"Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents"

"*Full parking lot* Me: IF THERE IS A GOD, FIND ME A SPOT AND I WILL BECOME RELIGIOUS! *spot opens up* Me: NEVER MIND, I FOUND ONE!"

"My friend left his laptap on the floor in my living room. My other friend thought it was a scale. Conclusion: She weighs $950."