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Joke of the Day

"Perks of dating me: You will be the hot one"

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"Why can't your wife make crispy bacon? Because she got used to your soft meat."
"Strong people don't put others down.. They lift them up and slam them to the ground for maximum damage."
"What does FCPA stand for? Finally Caught Pinching the Assets"
"There are 5 Types of Matter... Gas Solid Liquid Plasma and most importantly Black Lives"
"What did the Hawaiian terrorists say when they blew up a restaurant? ALOHA SNACKBAR"
"Not sure if this girl I'm talking to online is real, so on our first date I'm gonna bring an image captcha for her to solve."
"[takes a nap] ok i like the concept [sleeps for a long time] alright alright im diggin it [dies] oh hell yea baby that's the stuff"
"Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms."
"Who fills in for the president of Russia when he's on leave? Deputin"