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Joke of the Day

"My dad's never been proud of me The other day he asked how old I was, I said ""twenty-one"". ""When I was your age I was twenty-two"" he replied."

"What do you calls a life insurance agent ripe with flesh eating bacteria? A lepper-con"

"What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm? How do you find an egg in all this shit?"

"I need help for some puns about toes! Please and thank you"

"Make the little things count. Teach midgets math"

"Coworker: people around the office think you're too controlling Me: what's that? Coworker: oh, sorry *raises hand*"

"All your responses must be oral, okay? Q: ""What school did you go to?"" A: ""Oral."""

"I know pretty well how batteries must feel I'm rarely ever included in things either."

"Police searching for a missing child heard heavy breathing coming from a parked van. But, when they looked, it was just a kid napping."

"Before you reply angrily at a tweet, just ask yourself if you'd yell at a retarded kid for screaming irrelevant shit into a megaphone."