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Joke of the Day

"ME (having a disagreement with a friend): I'd like to speak to your manager"

"Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was out standing in his field!"

"So I just asked my SO's mother the agenda for tomorrow's festivities... And my girlfriend interrupted with ""Well I'll be female""."

"It was the Fourth of July The department I work in has a lot of people frm Turkey. My job is to fire people. I had to fire Turks."

"- I'm your son's teacher and I'm calling to tell you that he may be a compulsive liar. - And a damn good one. I don't have any sons."

"If you are having trouble getting your posts banned from r/science ""Deal with it"""

"Be a deer and get shot in the woods for me?"

"are you the girl who types everything said in court? ""yes"" I'm sorry *turns to prosecutor and answers his question with dolphin noises*"

"A man had a tumor shaped like a bomber plane. It was B-9."

"An Investigator would also be a good name for a crocodile with tons of venture capital. FYI, i know the difference between the two but it doesn't sound right with a word echo."