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Joke of the Day

"Life is a lot like chess You've always got to be thinking two steps ahead. And most people want to be white."

"Why wasn't the plastic surgeon worried about running out of breast implants anytime soon? He had a large drawer of chests right there in his office."

"My daughter asked me how much longer until she can be a grown up and I said, ""no."""

"What's Forest Gumps password? 1Forest1"

"Excited for Downton Abbey tonight. According to DVR description, ""Lord Grantham gets pissy when a lady challenges the class system."" Oh boy!"

"ART TEACHER: Why have you painted the water green again? It looks- ME: I'm bringing *puts on sunglasses* Shrek sea back AT: You're expelled"

"How to get out of school Tell the school you are sikh"

"Do you know why divorce is so expensive? Because its worth it!"

"What did the Mexican carpeting salesman yell to promote his business? Underlay! Underlay!"

"What's an actuary? An accountant without the sense of humour."