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Joke of the Day

"""I'd like to make a large cash deposit"" teller: ok, how much do you have? ""Wow can't a guy just share his dreams without being pressured?"""

"Ever had sex while camping? ... ITS FUCKING INTENTS"

"What do Hurricane Irene and Kim Kardashian have in common? They blow the whole east coast and there's videos online."

"Trump winning the election I did nazi that coming"

"You should know, that no one understood it was an April fool's joke because no one expected you have a sense of humor."

"What was Abraham Lincoln's seating preference? Not John Wilkes Booth!"

"Officer there's nothing in my trun.. [hundreds of dead tamagotchis fall out. The younger cop vomits]"

"There is so much dust on that drawer that if you sneeze on it mattress will fall out."

"I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster. If anything, it made him more sluggish."

"[starts 2 crack beneath crushing loneliness] anyone wanna get frozen yogurt or something, maybe orchestrate an elaborate jewel heist I dunno"