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Joke of the Day

"I bought a chilli dog and a thumb drive at a gas station... Ya know, for shits and gigs."

"I wanted my girlfriend to give me some time alone so we got married."

"Look Disney all I'm saying is that if my stepdaughter brought a bunch of birds and mice into my mansion I'd make her clean up that shit too."

"Don't worry, Pope Benedict XVI, I get it. Mondays make me want to quit my job too."

"What's the difference between a thug and a phone charger? A phone charger charges batteries, but a thug has battery charges"

"Blood oranges at the farmer's market. What am I, The Lord of War? Peddle your conflict fruit someplace else."

"The doctor overseeing Caitlyn's transition advised against more plastic surgery. One more facelift and she'll have a beard again."

"What did the carpenter say to the girl he loved? Oh sweetheart, you are the eye of my maple...."

"LPT: Take your garbage can to the supermarket with you so you can see which items you've recently ran out of."

"One of the best jokes of all time... Women's Rights"