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Joke of the Day

"I wanted my girlfriend to give me some time alone so we got married."

"[Last Supper] Jesus: *holds up bread* This is my body *holds up wine* This is my blood And this is Sparta! *kicks Judas into a pit*"

"What is the name of a bag pipe band that likes to play while jumping on squares? hopscotts."

"We asked 100 women what body-wash they preferred. 99% replied with: ""GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BATHROOM, YOU PERVERT!"""

"british people say ""maths"" instead of math because they are big nerds who cannot be satisfied by a single math"

"Dead babies What's the difference between a truck full of dead babies and a truck full of bricks ? Only one can be emptied with a pitchfork."

"How do you tell the difference between a male chromosome and a female chromosome? You pull down their genes!"

"Where does the Joker keep a record of his favourite shrubland areas? Heath Ledger."

"Me: Now what's the rule, son? 11yo: *sighs* If his first album came out after 2000, I can't call him a rapper. Me: You're learning..."

"why do people do drugs for fun like have you ever tried mac n cheese"