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Joke of the Day

"My mum's sister always builds up jokes and then the punch lines turn out to be shit. Auntie Climax."

"Me: ""There are so many exotic sounding flavours these days. I just can't resist-"" Doctor: ""YOU NEED TO STOP DRINKING SHAMPOO!"""

"Pacifist I'll pass a fist right through your fuckin' face nigga."

"I gave my number to a really hot girl at the bar and told her to text me when she got home. She must have been homeless."

"Why is a Mexican midget called 'a paragraph'? Because he's not a full ese."

"I like how politicians always address us like we are positive, civic-minded, motivated people. I think we're all a bunch of fat jerks."

"That scene which she dies is full of suspense... What a breathtaking moment."

"I was watching you while you slept. You look pretty stupid."

"Two guys walk into a bar... Two guys walk into a bar near the optometrist, but the third one already got his glasses, so he's fine."

"Her: *smiles* You fill those out very nicely. Me: (looks at jeans)Thanks. Bank Teller: Sir, could you please pass back the forms? Me: Ohh!"