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Joke of the Day

"""We do not negotiate with Pterodactyls.""- President Barack Obamasaurus"

"Confucius say...Man who fall in sewer trough, in deep shit."

"What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex? Honey, I'm home!"

"What did Sigmund Freud do for mother's day? His mom."

"My childhood joke Teacher: Why are you late? Student: Because of the sign on the road. Teacher: What type of sign? Student: The sign that says, ""School Ahead, Go Slow.""!"

"It drives me fucking crazy when people post questions on Facebook that could easily be answered with a basic google search."

"Mechanics How can you tell a mechanic has just had sex? One of his fingers is clean...."

"Reasons to bake a cake after the kids go to bed: 1. To surprise them with it. 2. So they never know you ate an entire cake without sharing."

"Knock, knock, it's the police open the door. -Can you wait, I'm taking a shit! -We know, the telephone booth is see through"

"I'm going to start an education program aimed at changing kids' reading habits to post-rapture Christian novels. It's called ""no, child, 'Left Behind!'"""