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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a peaceful Indian sending a picture in the mail of a snobbish criminal going down stairs? Ghandi-sending a condescending con descending Sorry.. I'm tired"

"I dream to live in a world where I can politely get out of plans by saying, ""I'm so sorry, but I just remembered I don't want to"""

"I want to tattoo ""platform 9 and 3/4"" over my ass 'cause you wouldn't think you'd get in there but you can Edit:words"

"Q: What's the difference between a cello and a violin? A: A cello burns longer."

"Why did Steve Jobs eat all the cookies? Mac users have no CTRL"

"At the ripe old age of 900, in a universe inhabited by thousands of alien races, I bet Yoda had some pretty racist shit to say."

"My teacher asked me if I knew any anagrams of ""denied"". I said, ""Indeed""."

"I like to drink and run. I call it ""Bacardio""."

"Who wants to get enraged and go persecute Christians? No one."

"[me as a magician] *pulls rabbit from hat* AUDIENCE: ooOoOo *pulls knife from hat* A: ooOoOo *pulls sautee pan from hat* A: NNOOOOOO"