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Joke of the Day

"[shipwreck diary] Day 3: dude next to me can hold his breath for 3 days. Going on 4. Very impressive."

"I'm going to hell in so many different religions."

"Making my kids homemade blueberry muffins. *opens package* *adds water*"

"A blind guy walks into a bar ***thud***"

"What do you call a drill on the North Pole that just wants to get to know people? An icebreaker"

"Liar is such a harsh term, I prefer Politician"

"A blonde gets an acceptance letter to Harvard ."

"When people ask how my childhood was, I say ""Pretty good, so far."""

"""Hmm, how can I look at her boobs but not look at her boobs?"" - Guy who invented sunglasses."

"What do you find up a clean nose? Finger-prints."