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Joke of the Day

"Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."

"It's a fair notion to suggest that I'm quite keen on oral contraceptives. I asked a girl to have sex with my one night. She said ""No."""

"My girlfriend thinks that I can't cook, but as soon as I figure out how much Play-Doh is supposed to go in meatloaf, I'll prove her wrong."

"Get your shit together,... or you will die, Aria."

"Q: Why did Clinton choose Canada as the site for his summit with Yeltsin? A: So he could look up some college buddies who moved up there during the war."

"What did one tooth say to the other? Get your cap on the dentist is taking us out tonight."

"What a weird thing that a Presidential candidate is like ""I tried to stab my friend"" & his opponents are like ""no you didn't."""

"WIFE: What are you doing? ME: [struggling on floor] Yoga WIFE: At the bottom of the stairs? ME: WIFE: You fell down the stairs ME: Yes"

"Why did the Eagle go to store to buy some Rogaine? To cover up his bald spot."

"New York: The city that never sleeps. Berlin: The city that never sleeps until Sunday. Paris: The city that never sleeps alone."