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Joke of the Day

"My boss fired me because I didn't attend the meeting as I had to answer an important call. Apparently nature's call doesn't count as important to him"

"On page 24 of the world record book I'm listed as the men with the longest penis. At page 69 I'm listed as world's best liar."

"What will the sequel to Lake Placid that takes place 50 years later be called? Lake Flaccid"

"Some people brings happiness wherever they go I bring happiness whenever I go"

"What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest? Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12."

"No wonder 1% is so bad I got my raise, not even 1%, my bank don't even give close to 1%. But my taxes ---- **30%**."

"Dec 21st falls on a Friday... What a sh*tty way to start the weekend.."

"What's a four letter word for intercourse ending with K? Talk"

"What kind of medicine do bears take? Bayer Asprin"

"Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: last warning, you have a week to get the money together."