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Joke of the Day

"People who criticize the year 2016 seem to have forgotten that back in May McDonald's accidentally gave me a Chicken McNugget with my fries."

"Never trust atoms. They make up everything."

"Karen on Facebook says, ""2014 is going sooooo well!"" Personally, I've already fcuked up 2014, and a good chunk of 2015, so go fcuk yourself Karen."

"Veterinarian- You're here to discuss your dog's salivation? Me- No. My dog's a good dog, he'll go to Heaven! I'm here about his slobbering."

"One nice thing about your 30s is people talk less about figuring themselves out and more about where the best sandwiches are."

"Why can't you bring an Indian to a fancy restaurant? Because they get the Buddha in the Gouda! ;D"

"I checked my hotel room for left behind goods and all I found was this lousey comb. I guess you could say my room was bugged."

"Heading to work this morning there was a car parked on the train tracks, with a bumper sticker that said ""Honk if you love Jesus!"" That train engineer must have REALLY loved Jesus."

"What do you get when you sit under a cow? A pat on the head."

"What do you call a parrot wearing a raincoat? Polyunsaturated"