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Joke of the Day

"Why do men want to marry a virgin? To avoid criticism and comparison."

"There's a hole in my sock but atleast there's not a sock in my hole"

"You can reach 80 years Doctor: Your health seems to be in such a condition that I believe you can reach 80 years. *But doctor, I am already 80!* You see - I told you to quit smoking."

"A scientist walks into a bar and seems depressed. The bartender asks ""What's the matter?"" The scientist replies ""Everything is matter."""

"A lady said I was catching up to... her in terms of age. I said she must be moving too fast."

"The FBI agents that will eventually search your basement won't be able to sleep for a very long time."

"President Trump received congratulations from the Pope himself... Because thanks to him half the world started praying."

"""Can I get 2 boxes of Sudafed?"" ""Sorry, by law you can only buy one at a time."" ""Okay then just the one box of Sudafed and these 7 guns."""

"Get off the goddamn Twitter, go out & live your life! I'll be here when you get back"

"You know, I'm really glad Ben Carson didn't end up being Secretary of Education. I really didn't want our kids learning that the food pyramid was built to store grain."