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Joke of the Day

"A scientist walks into a bar and seems depressed. The bartender asks ""What's the matter?"" The scientist replies ""Everything is matter."""

"You can only push me so far before I breakdance."

"What's Irish and sits outside? Paddy O'furniture"

"A Nazi walks into a BAR... Browning automatic rifle"

"Why did Tiger Woods stop winning golf tournaments? Because he stopped cheating"

"Ibuprofen is my favorite headache medicine that also sounds like a reggae professor."

"I love it when corporations have a sassy ""human"" Twitter presence, like their CEO wouldn't cut your mom's throat for a nickel."

"If April showers bring may flowers, what do may flowers bring? Hundreds of years of disease and genocide."

"Why can't mexicans pass the border in groups of three? Because there's a sign that says No Tres-passing"

"""What did Shawn like most about his trip to Paris?"" ""He said it was lovely to hear the French pheasants singing the Mayonnaise."""