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Joke of the Day

"My only fitness goal is to be able to lift an adult male, approximately the size of my husband, into the trunk of my car without help."

"Whats pink and always slippery? A pink slipper"

"2nd grade poop joke going around. Knock knock. Who's there? Schmelmop."

"What's the difference between a peeping tom and a pickpocket? A pickpocket snatches watches."

"What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?"

"On dating sites, some of the options for 'body type' should be, 'Vending machine', 'deformed walrus' and 'pudding in garbage bag'."

"The new pool lifeguard was talking to his boss about his experience so far ""There's an exceptional amount of friendly people here. It's been at least seven who has waved at me."""

"Twitter is where the nerds from highshool shine because we know how to use correct grammar, metaphors, & sarcasm correctly. And we can read."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? You don't call him anything, we both know that he's not coming"

"My uncle once ejaculated on me Glad I got that off my chest"