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Joke of the Day

"I watched her squeeze into the booth, finish 3 Egg McMuffins, & stand-up. ""My knees are killing me, it must be the cold weather,"" she said."

"Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it."

"3 unwritten rules of life: 1. 2. 3."

"What do you call an online correspondence with a transvestite? She-mail."

"I told my Kentucky raised girlfriend her family tree doesn't fork... ...it spoons. She did not find it humorous"

"A penis has a sad life: His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, & his owner beats him."

"I'm reading a book about anti-gravity I just can't put it down!"

"What did one mandarin say to the other mandarin? I don't know, I don't speak Mandarin."

"Son, there's no need for a paternity test. I knew you were mine when you came prematurely."

"Did you know Oxford university was founded before the Aztec Empire? That explains the sacrifices my parents had to make to pay my tuition"