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Joke of the Day

"What did the recent Sunni convert says about ISIS? They really scared the Shiite outa me!"

"Ripped a mole off my face today... Gotta stop looking down gopher holes..."

"Why did Elton John have to go to hospital after the Queen concert? They found traces of Mercury in him."

"What is the richest beverage? Juice."

"Saying that you were touched by Jesus... ...is a completely different story in a Mexican prison."

"Can a ninja kill you from 20ft away? Sure he can."

"What do you get when you cross a kid who's eaten enough sugar to send a rocket into orbit, and the meanest boy in the whole world? Hyperbole"

"How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Wanna go ride bikes?"

"I got caught in police speed trap yesterday. The officer walked up to my car and said ""I've been waiting all day for you "" Well I said. I got here as fast as I could."

"[HR office] HR: you know why you're here, right? Me: HR: you can't ""contract"" Down's Syndrome & you can't call in sick with it"