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Joke of the Day

"We were watching The Discovery Channel on the couch. I was naked. She was afraid. I guess I should have probably introduced myself first."

"My kid swallowed a torch today... It's ok - it was removed and now he's delighted."

"What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? Iron man is a well known super hero. Iron Woman, that's a command."

"Quick, I need some fables, ASOP."

"How does a scientist make a hormone? The same way I do: don't pay her!"

"Please ignore this tweet, I'm pretending to be adding a coworker's phone number."

"Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she's still there."

"Earliest-known Ten Commandments tablet sells at auction for $850000 Bumping Apple off the top spot for most expensive mobile device without a headphone jack."

"Have you heard about the new pirate movie? All the producers have Hook Noses #racistdadjoke"

"Q: Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school? A: If they sent her to a public school the secret service would be out-gunned!"