46983

Joke of the Day

"My kid swallowed a torch today... It's ok - it was removed and now he's delighted."

"What do you call a Rhinoceros in heat? Horny."

"So LIGO scientists were finally able to detect gravitational waves... Don't know what took them so long. Your mom's been around for some time now, rippling spacetime."

"How do skeletons reproduce? They don't."

"Fact: Roughly 40% of my childhood was spent preparing for the day I fall into a pit of quicksand."

"Why didn't the Terminator upgrade to Windows 10? ""I still love Vista, baby"""

"You know what's the biggest turn off for me? Consent."

"Canadian knock-knock joke *Knock knock.* **Who's there?** *Sorry.* **No I'm sorry.** *No I'm sorry.*"

"Why did the hipster wear a sweatshirt on the sweltering summer day? She wears sweatshirts before it is cool! (Cue rim shot)"

"I don't need people. I have potato chips. And unlike people you can enjoy them and then legally throw their crumpled remains into a campfire"