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Joke of the Day

"Person on this home improvement show said everybody needs ""a good screwing surface."" Can't argue with that logic."

"I dream of a world where even lactose is tolerated by everyone."

"A Jewish boy asks his father: ""Father, can I please borrow 50 dollars?"" The father replies: ""40 dollars! What on earth do you need 30 dollars for!?"""

"Your Mother is like Communism... Shared by everyone."

"If I had a dollar for every gender that exists.... I'd have two dollars."

"Have you heard that joke about pussy? I would tell it, but I don't get it."

"How long is a Chinese man Seriously, he is."

"If I was in the military, I would be a sniper. That way I can lie down a lot."

"Me: Can't wait to sit on my front porch with my black cat and frighten children. Coworker: I love Halloween. Me: I meant after work today."

"*Batman receives electric bill for Bat Signal* ""ALFRED WE'RE GETTING IPHONES."""