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Joke of the Day

"Guy tells a psychiatrist he has a fear of commitment. Psychiatrist says, ""There's no need to worry. I only do that in extreme cases."""

"Life of a chef must suck. All your work eventually turns to shit."

"What is a Christians Favorite Insect? The Praying Mantis"

"What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this!"

"DR DOG: We need to talk about your weight. PATIENT: I'm not fat. I'm just big boned. DR DOG: *drooling everywhere* Just how big exactly?"

"Eating clocks is probably the most time consuming thing you could ever do."

"1. Take dozens of pictures of yourself sleeping. 2. Put them in coworker's drawer. 3. ""WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?!"""

"Tip: When the cop asks you ""Do you know how fast you were going?"" do NOT respond with ""I know, right?!"""

"Nothing says authentic Chinese food like a neon ""We Delivery"" sign."

"""wow this rap song is good I wonder who this is"" *waits literally 4 seconds* ""oh there look at that he said his name how convenient"""