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Joke of the Day

"A fair deal A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside."

"How do dogs own cats? bitches have pussies"

"? Hey there Delilah, can we handle this discreetly My stomach reacted badly after eating old zucchini ? and I just pooooed ?"

"[hours after first date] HER: *on phone* yeah i went on the date but he was creepy. *i'm just sitting outside her bedroom window in shock*"

"Instead of yelling, I just say ""Caps Lock"" and then speak at a normal volume."

"If I have HIV I hope I find out from a Doctor, like Charlie Sheen did And not from the TV, like his ex girlfriends did."

"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? One. Unless it's a black bulb then he calls for backup."

"Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they're absolutely right because smart men don't get married."

"Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills."

"Someone stole all the toilets from the police station downtown. The cops have nothing to go on."