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Joke of the Day

"When walking behind someone at night, let them know you're not dangerous by yelling ""DO NOT FEAR ME"" very loudly"

"Boss: you're late Me: traffic Carol: he was in his car taking selfies again Me: goddammit Carol, I will cut you"

"Politicians are like diapers.... They must be changed often and for the same reason."

"Anyone need a job? I hear Malaysia Airlines is looking for people. ^im ^so ^sorry"

"How does every racist joke start? with a look over your shoulder"

"Why did princess Diana cross the street? Because she wasn't wearing her seatbelt."

"I'm so broke right now, if my gf leaves me for a richer person I'm going with them -__-"

"Whenever someone asks, ""you look familiar, where do I know you from?"" I like to respond with, ""Well do you watch porn...?"""

"I hate proof reading. I like to think that whatever I wrote the first time around is already perefct."

"I cut so much rug... ...that I had to open a PLPD policy on my feet."