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Joke of the Day
"Roses are red, Roses are blue, Roses are white, Genetics."
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"""Honey, I don't like how you look with these new glasses."" ""But I don't wear glasses.."" ""I know, but I do."""
"What stops rape every time? Consent"
"So sweet how people try to mask their crippling insecurities with bitchiness instead of alcohol like normal people."
"ME: My new contacts are here! WIFE: Don't put them all on at once like you did last ME: [eyes wide] I CAN SEE YOUR BONES"
"My name is Leon but some of you know me by my street name, 9th avenue."
"[me narrating a documentary about the pyramids] I really want a Toblerone for some reason."
"The bartender says ""Sorry, we don't make that here."" Quentin Tarantino walks into a bar. He gets up and leaves. He takes a seat and orders a Polynesian Pearl Diver."
"Girls and Catholic priests atleast have one thing in common, they both have a thing for immature assholes"
"Computers manufacturer is considering changing the command ""Press Any Key"" to ""Press Return Key"" because of the flood of calls asking where the ""Any"" key is."