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Joke of the Day

"What kind of joke is the best joke? The one shoved up your ass. (As told by my adorable and naughty 7 year old)."

"Forgot I started my stopwatch. It's now been 139:27.05 since I wondered how long it takes me to run five miles."

"Me to waitress: ""Do you have frog legs?"" Her response: ""Yes.."" Me: ""Then hop on back to the kitchen and get me a steak"""

"[OC] where did the cavemen live? Neandertown!"

"What's the difference between 0/1 and 0/2 ? Nothing."

"[pet shop] ME: I'm looking for a dog that can talk OWNER: Try this one ME: [to dog] Can you talk? DOG: No ME: My search continues"

"Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully? A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully."

"I've been retracing my steps and now I have all these outlines of feet on my floor and still no keys."

"Would you like me to make you a hot dog? Yes, please. Poof! You're a hot dog!"

"What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair"