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Joke of the Day

"Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot... The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away."

"What do you call a fly without wings? A walk. What do you call that same fly without legs? A raisin."

"An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. ""You don't want to try these techniques at home...."

"Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing her seatbelt."

"How did the stoner die? Blunt force trauma."

"Looking for a +1 for my wedding."

"What would a scandal involving Microsoft be called? Gatesgate."

"You would think that, if you pulled a snail's shell off, then it would be able to move faster. I tried it, but they seem to be more sluggish."

"WIFE: He treats our marriage like it's a talk show THERAPIST: Is this true? ME: *turns and winks at camera* We'll find out after the break"

"I poured my root beer... ... into a square cup, now I'm left with only beer."