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Joke of the Day

"Gay or straight, No state should legally recognize a marriage if they don't serve alcohol at the wedding."

"Why was I named after Adolf Hitler... Well, I certainly wasn't named before him!"

"LUCY: Dad, how did I get my name? [flashback] ME (signing contract in blood): Ok but can we at least shorten it? LUCIFER: That's fine"

"How do you know you're golfing with a politician? When they get a hole-in-one they write down *zero* on the scorecard."

"Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat? Because if they fell forwards, they would still be in the boat."

"I'd have an extra 18 hours of free time every day if I lost my phone."

"Damn girl, are you Chile? ""Why, because I'm tall and thin?"" ""No, because you make my vagina as dry as the Atacama desert."""

"I have the first signs of baldness, a friend said to me that my head it's like the house of a rich man... two car entrances in the front and a pool in the backyard."

"If life gives you melons, you might have dyslexia."

"I lost a Scrabble game today when my opponent played the word ""Clitoris"". I was amazed at how fast he found it."