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Joke of the Day

"The scariest moment in the world is when a 3yo looks at you and says CLOSE YOUR EYES AND OPEN YOUR MOUTH"

"What's the difference between a strip club and a circus? A circus is full of cunning stunts."

"What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See ya next month."

"My grandfather developed cancer in his early twenties. He is considered to be the most evil scientist that ever lived."

"I got arrested the other day for holding a little girl's hand They wanted to know where the rest of her body was"

"I slept like a rock last night meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly."

"Text from my nana: ""What is a diss track?"" Don't worry about it u prune gash"

"Instagram makes me feel like the world's only employed person."

"Me: Hey, great costume, buddy! You look like a real... Him: Ma'am, please step out of the vehicle."

"It's like my cat doesn't even appreciate it when I take the time to rake his litter box like a Zen Garden."