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Joke of the Day

"My dealer texts to ask if I'm straight and I'm not even sure how that's relevant to our arrangement"

"Canada is not a vast empty woodland. Our monetary system proves our civility. 5 beavers is worth a caribou 4 caribous are worth a loon And 2 loons are worth a polar bear."

"[Opens hand sanitiser] SUbmiT YoUr SOuL tO EternAL HeLL fiRe [closes lid] wtf? [looks at label] LINDA YOU BOUGHT HAND SATANISER AGAIN"

"Two scientists walk into a bar The first one says ""I'd like a beer"" And the second says, ""I'd like rum"" They didn't wanna get H20. They were in flint."

"I have a great relation ship with Jesus He mows my lawn for $6 an hour"

"If anyone needs me, I'll be at the hospital leaving robots and newspapers from the year 2310 in the rooms of coma patients."

"And the final rule of Fight Club is... ...just have fun and try your best."

"What's the difference between Ice Age 4 and Batman The Dark Knight? The kids walked out of Ice Age 4... Alive"

"""SZA"" would be the perfect name for a lesbian member of the Wu Tang Clan"

"Dinner with Drag Queens So, I went to a Potluck with a bunch of drag queens. When the food was finally served, the host stood up and said, ""Tuck in!"""