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Joke of the Day

"The snail and the tortoise What did the snail say while riding on the back of the tortoise? Wheeeee!!!! --hey, at least it's a fun joke for kids!"

"My dogs are barking a lot lately but I think it is because their performance appraisals are coming up"

"Was tempted to commit suicide last night... So I bought a semi-automatic rifle and shot up a school. (p.s. for those asking, I did in fact drink their blood)"

"My grandfather was an alcoholic but an amazing magician Whenever he wanted he could turn into a bar."

"How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Hippies don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in dirty sleeping bags."

"Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire? He threw his arm out."

"What is it about glow sticks that makes me want to dance in a field wearing fairy wings? If only I hadn't taken so many drugs I'd know this."

"Why didn't the man report his stolen credit card? The thief was spending less than his wife."

"What did the vegetables say at the garden party? Lettuce turnip the beet"

"I talk a lot of shit for a girl with a blankie."