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Joke of the Day

"I asked my mate what he wanted for dinner He said he fancies a Chinese. I said I didn't ask you about your love life I asked what you wanted to eat."

"What type of car would Jesus drive? A Chrysler"

"Why should we make Gabe Newell president? There won't be any World War 3. \#gaben2k16"

"The chef asked me how I liked my eggs and I accidentally said uneasy instead of over easy. Now I have some uncomfortable eggs staring at me."

"TIL Humans eat more bananas than monkeys. Human almost never eat monkeys at all."

"I had a dream last night that I killed all those shirtless guys with ""swag"" and their duck-face girlfriends too. It was the Yolocaust."

"Murder is legal if it happens after a morning person says ""WELL WELL WELLLLLL LOOK WHO FINALLY GOT UP"""

"What did the Pacific Ocean say to the Atlantic Ocean ? Nothing they just waved!!! Sea what I did there!!! If you laughed hit that like button, come on don't be a beach Thank you thank you "

"A libertarian vote walks out of a bar ... ... and goes, ""God, I'm wasted."""

"You're fat Don't sugar coat it, you'd eat that too"