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Joke of the Day

"What did the hipster epidemiologist say to United States citizens at a press conference? You probably won't get it."

"With virtually no power, there still comes a surprisingly large amount of responsibility."

"*reads online that you should befriend your coworkers with some water cooler talk* ME (to coworker): So, are you into water coolers?"

"Q: Why was the young bear so spoiled? A: Because his mother ""panda'd"" to his every whim!"

"Remember when you used to blow bubbles as a kid? I ran into him the other day, he wanted me to tell you hello..."

"If you are naughty... Santa gives you something hard and black"

"Bae: come over Me: I can't, I'm hanging out with your parents. Bae: my parents aren't home. Me: I know. I just... You never listen Susan."

"I invented a new sexual position called ""The Republican"" where I screw poor people."

"Don't you hate double standards? If a girl sleeps with a lot of guys she is called a slut, but when a guy does it he is called a homosexual."

"Aren't some of the methods used to kill people on death row... ...absolutely shocking"