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Joke of the Day

"I went to school with a girl who said her last name was Faux. I thought to myself, ""Man, that's got to be fake."""

"If Trump wins the election.... I hope he leaves us for a younger, more attractive Eastern European Country after a year or two."

"Risky behavior in my 20s involved sex drugs & alcohol. At 30, ""risky"" is eating spicy food after 9pm and not lifting w/ my knees."

"I have swagger. At least, that's what my deodorant says."

"My wife ran away with my best friend... My wife ran away with my best friend. I don't know the guy, but he made me a huge favor so I consider him my best friend."

"Im tired of chasing people who wont chase me... from today on the ice cream man can go fuck himself."

"I have a step-stool and never met my real stool"

"If you don't tell your girlfriend she's beautiful everyday, 614 guys on Facebook who haven't had sex or even been on a date in 9 years will."

"What did the Asian guy say about all the recent celebrity deaths? They're dropping like Freys!"

"If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them."