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Joke of the Day
"What's invisible and smells like carrots? Rabbit farts."
Next Joke
"Q: What do you get when you cross a pond and a stream? A: Wet feet."
"10:00pm *gets a snack* 10:01pm *turns on tv* 10:02pm *glances at twitter for 8 seconds* February"
"Whoa whoa whoa. Stand down, nipples. It's just a little chilly weather, nothing to get excited about."
"Since I live my financial life under water I decided to put a ""Beware of sharks"" sign in my front yard."
"Want to know how the Cold War was ended? It was with Robotussin and space heaters."
"Two fish in a tank.. The one fish looks at the other and says ''How do you drive this thing?''"
"""I love you...conditionally."" -Cats"
"My girlfriend says she enjoys sex more whilst on holiday. That was an awkward SMS to receive."
"[angrily taking off banana suit] ""Why didn't you tell me we were going to a funeral"""