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Joke of the Day

"Relationship status: fell out of bed while reaching for a donut"

"I was eating BBQ ribs and my waitress asked me if I wanted a wet nap... ...I told her it wasn't necessary because I had one earlier today."

"I guess if I had laser hairs, I'd want them removed too."

"Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You would too if your name was ""adkwodrtrgfvnfif"""

"Two Mexicans What do you call two Mexicans in the back of a fire truck? Jose and Hose B"

"Trainer: have you been sticking to your diet? Me: *tries to mumble yes but a chicken wing falls out of my mouth*"

"Did you hear about the deaf guy who could sing? Ya, well he didn't"

"Don't die a Virgin Seriously, there are terrorists waiting for you up there."

"I've been told I'm not ambitious enough... If only there was an Olympic sport for being a lazy bastard. That bronze medal would be mine."

"Why couldn't the cup of tea climb flight of stairs? Because it was too steep."