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Joke of the Day

"I don't think I could ever fall in love with a midget... I don't think I could ever fall in love with a midget. But I guess it's better to fall in love with a small person, than not a tall."

"My 5-year-old refused to eat her dinner because Netflix was running slow. At least she picked a worthy cause for her hunger strike."

"You ever do one single chore and then ride that high for 10 years"

"Why did the stool not listen to the stepladder? Because it wasn't his real dad"

"3 NoSql database admins went to a bar but came out immediately. Why? ... ... They could not find a table :P"

"I'm told as a lady in my 30s I shouldn't wear certain things anymore - like halter tops, pigtails, and the scalps of my vanquished enemies."

"So what's the best part about dead baby jokes? They never get old. *ba dum tss*"

"I went to the doctor's office the other day And he told me, ""you've got to stop masturbating so furiously."" I responded, ""why, doc?"" He angrily responded, ""because, I'm TRYING to examine you."""

"The American stock market is a bear BULL shit"

"I always hit ""ignore call"" with my middle finger."