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Joke of the Day

"My 5-year-old refused to eat her dinner because Netflix was running slow. At least she picked a worthy cause for her hunger strike."

"*Food arrives* *Waits 3 days* *Slowly takes bite of food* *Waitress appears from under the table in camouflage* HOW IS EVERYTHING??"

"Why don't tornadoes watch Bill O'Reilly on FOXNEWS? -It is a no spin zone"

"How did the hipster narco escape from prison? By going underground"

"Just overheard someone say, ""I wish I had a Kindle that never ran out of batteries."" You know. Like a book."

"You know what really grinds my gears? Oxidation"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Dad, I'm over here."

"They should just report when there WASN'T a shooting in Florida at this point"

"My grandma got me a gift card to Walmart for my birthday. She told me not to spend it all in one place."

"Feminists hate me. Probabily because I am wearing my wife beater."