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Joke of the Day

"She left me a note, on the fridge... ""It's not working anymore, I'm leaving you"". I opened up the fridge and it is working. She left me for nothing, that idiot."

"Just watched a dog chase its tail for 10 min., thought ""damn so easily entertained"" then realized I watched a dog chase his tail for 10 min."

"[Me]: ""I have hat-like reflexes"" [You]: Don't you mean cat-like reflexes? [Me]: *sitting on top of your head* ""Nope"""

"I smoked e-cigs for so long that I got e-cancer. I'm ok though, I just swallowed a Norton Antivirus cd and it cleared things up."

"""It's our third date and you still wear that shirt?"" Honey, this all they have in prison."

"Why did Ted get fired from his job? Because he would only do the _bear_ minimum?"

"I Like My Bed Like I Like My Women Tight, neat, and wrinkle free"

"I actually heard this joke in a dream this morning What do you call a little square that hasn't developed its new dimension yet? Precubescent"

"If you cut me off in traffic you better be ready to look in your rearview mirror and see me yelling something you can't hear."

"It seems Caitlyn Jenner has made her final transition into a woman..By driving like one."