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Joke of the Day

"We are thinking about making chili for Christmas Eve. We're starting a new tradition called 'silent but deadly night'."

"Why did Elvis' mom get mad when people called him ""Elvis the pelvis""? Because he had a brother named Enos."

"If a tiger was attacking your wife and mother in law at the same time and you could save one, who would it be? The tiger of course. There are only a few left "

"Republicans, don't forget to set your clocks back 50 years"

"I have a dog with no legs. His name is Cigarette because I have to take him out for a drag."

"Women know that men are like linoleum . . . If they lay 'em right the first time, they can walk on them for years."

"I love the smell of blown out matches... Chile vs Mexico was a real treat!"

"Why are people in jail always mad? Because they are constantly butt-hurt."

"I have days when wearing a hat is the only use I have made of my head."

"I'm fearfully awaiting the day my alarm clock becomes self-aware and the snooze button hits me back."